Struggling with Singleness: The Truth About Singleness and the Christian Woman
The Pressure to Be Married
"Now that I’m Christian, I have to get married."
"I’ll buy a house when I get married."
"I can’t wait to be married. Being single is so lonely."
"All of my friends are married or getting married. When will it be my turn?"
Sound familiar?
Have these thoughts ever crossed your mind as a single Christian woman? Maybe you’ve been hanging out with your married friend, and all you can think about is how lucky she is to go home to her husband while you go home alone.
This is not going to be another “embrace your singleness and be married to Jesus” blog. Don’t get me wrong—our single season is indeed a time for us to be surrendered and devoted to Christ.
But can we get real for a moment?
The Reality of Singleness
Being single is not easy or effortless. It is perfectly normal to be struggling with singleness. It requires work, sacrifice, discipline, determination, self-worth, and vision. It’s a challenge at times. But guess what? Marriage requires the same. I can say this because I have walked both journeys—being a single mother and being married.
Let’s be honest. If you’re like me, you desire marriage. You may daydream about it or hold onto the hope that one day, you will be loved by someone who is truly your person. We all crave companionship—it’s in our very nature.
That is why God created Eve for Adam. The Lord saw that Adam was alone and declared that man should not be alone.
Genesis 2:18 – "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."
So if the Lord says we shouldn’t be alone, why do we always hear within the Christian community:
"Embrace your singleness."
"Use this season as a time to be in the Lord’s presence."
"Girl, I wish I had the time on my hands like you do."
Perhaps it’s because we, as Christians, have the concept of singleness all twisted.
What If You Never Get Married?
Can I offer you a different perspective? What if you never get married? What if you remain the only single woman in your friend group forever?
Somewhere along the way, when we stopped living for the world and started chasing after Christ, a switch happened. There’s this societal, psychologically induced pressure that many Christian women (and men) fall victim to.
Yes, I said victim. And I was one of them.
I entered a marriage that nearly destroyed me—mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I let my feelings of loneliness and the pressure to be a "good Christian woman" push me into a relationship where I lacked discernment and ignored the Holy Spirit’s warnings.
The formal definition of a victim is "a person who is tricked or duped." I was not only duped but also paid a heavy price, suffering lingering PTSD from that marriage. I wish I had read a blog like this before getting married.
I am not making excuses for my poor decisions—I simply operated out of a desire to love and be loved. There’s nothing wrong with that. But “kingdom marriage” has become an idol in the Christian community. And I, too, made it an idol in my life.
Marriage is a beautiful gift from God and a powerful part of our journey with Him. Please do not twist my words.
And no, I am not a bitter divorced woman. Ha!
The Idolization of Marriage
The switch from being a citizen of the world to being a partner with Christ often leads to an intense focus on marriage and family. It’s as if, to be the most righteous, upstanding, and obedient Christian, you must be married.
We equate singleness to the absence of pleasure, and we become loners.
After my divorce, I did a lot of deep soul-searching through therapy and hard conversations with myself. I had to be brutally honest about my motivations for getting married in the first place. My idol of marriage fell—because all idols eventually do.
Exodus 20:4-5 – "You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods."
I didn’t say it—God did! So don’t come for me, sis! I’m just the messenger.
Even good desires, when prioritized over God, become idols. This is Satan’s tactic—he mocks God and distorts His design.
John 8:44 – "When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
Redefining Singleness
Why do we, as single Christian women, put so much pressure on ourselves to get married? Are we afraid to spend holidays alone? Do we think we will sin less as married women?
These are all valid concerns. No one said being single and Christian wouldn’t come with lonely nights or an empty bed.
But let’s be clear—my goal is not to be cynical or to make you resent your singleness. My goal is to be real. Being a single Christian woman is hard. It is tedious and, at times, downright lonely.
No matter how much you pray, fast, or surround yourself with community, there is always that awareness of your singleness.
Is this a bad thing?
The short answer: No.
The long answer: It can be—if we don’t keep our singleness in perspective.
The definition of "single" is "not married or relating to celibacy."
Ding, ding! There’s the problem. Why do we always compare singleness to marriage or celibacy?
Singleness is more than just the opposite of marriage.
Singleness is a state of being. It is a reality. It is your life—not just the absence of a husband but the presence of self and God.
Perhaps your single season is so much more than just a "you’re not married" stamp across your forehead. A Christian single woman is three things: Christian, single, and a woman. But she is also ambitious, successful, goal-oriented, a great friend, a loving daughter, and an adventurer.
Is this making sense?
Stop Faking It
Many Christian single women struggle with singleness because they are faking it until they make it. They declare, "I love being single!" because they think that’s the "Christian way."
But guess what? God knows our hearts. We cannot hide from Him.
What if you started being more honest about this season?
No, I may not like it.
Yes, I feel lonely.
Yes, I desire what my married friends have.
Yes, I wish this season would hurry up.
Do we think God is going to shun us for being honest?
My guess? He might just breathe out a sigh of relief and whisper, "Finally. The truth."
There is power in the truth.
So, my single sister, I challenge you: Stop being a victim of this false idea that accepting Christ guarantees you a husband. Start living your life. Tell God the truth. Then, and only then, can He give you the true contentment and joy to embrace every step of your journey.
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